Friday, January 30, 2009

400!!!

Its my 400 entry!!! Finally we are there... PHEW!

Slowly and steadily...

This morning, I went back to office for "Heng Gang" only to realised that there is no "Heng Gang" at HSR. When I was in ERA, it was so fun, there was lots of colleagues, we had yusheng and there was lion dance. It felt abit quiet today, in fact too quiet... I missed the rowdy times last year... I miss....

Things haven been that smooth for me last year... Hopefully things are looking up. There are so much internal struggle for me. The last month, I felt like I was just pushing through with living ... where I am just breathing and the other part of my body took over to stay alive. I wish life was much simpler like the time when I was a kid.

When he passed the comment over coffee that he is focusing on a very important part of his life, and his work as well, I became frightened. I feel like he is another Mathew. Another heart I might break. I cant breathe properly now, in the past, while I was the one asking for commitment, this time, someone else wants my commitment. I feel like waking up, packing my bag and leaving home to some place where no one is around and I can clear my thoughts. Tomorrow will be a good day :D

I am afraid of alot of things... how can I move on from here? I guess... like what I told Yinle...

"In the midst of pursuing my dreams, I lost my courage."

Its time to find the courage back... God, can you return the courage that I lost along the way.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

When I tried to use my laptop charger today, I realised its not working. Hmm... when I looked closer... Its damaged!! by LUCKY!!! So angry lor...now I can only use my 7 inch laptop to surf net I dont even feel like coming online anymore.

I had the most amazing talk with him yesterday. Is that what you call soulmate? Seems too scary as we simply soak ourselves in such deep conversation, oblivious to everything else around us. I am afraid of getting hurt but I simply cant stop myself falling so deeply into everything thats happening. Hmm... lets take a step backwards again before I get hurt again. We seem to want to give everything we have but at the same time, we are just holding back for some reason which I dont know what.... Is the relationship doomed from the start? Have I not learn my lesson in love? So many questions unanswered....

Ger... time to put on that mask again... :D

Monday, January 26, 2009

恭喜發財!萬事如意!


Okok... My hair is messy... but from the bottom of Lucky and my heart! Have a great 牛年 ahead! :D

I WANNA SLEEP!!!

I need to sleep! But there are so many distractions around...

Must be the fengshui of our place again... always get unwanted attention...

For 1 full week, I can barely count the number of hours I rested... ARGH! Now I am cranky and blaming... though I am also responsible for what happened.

I WANNA SLEEP!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

What I feel like saying is...

What I feel like saying is...
I have a thousand words that I want to tell you. Yet at this point, none of them appear.

The sms you sent, shook my world. I cannot see the road ahead since its dimmed with obstacles... Yet now I know, the light is stronger as I walk. I was so afraid of being hurt again and I hesitated about giving my heart away.

I do not know why I deserve someone like you. You seemed too good to be true. All I know now, is that I want to hold your hand and walk our journey together. Someday, I hope soon, I will be able to give you much more much more...

Thanks Baby...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

How do I walk on now...

The past 2 weeks just flow pass my eyes. Everything happened so quickly. There is no time to sit and reconsider one's emotion and decision. Now I am simply pushing on to live my life.

Feeling upset that you seem to have moved on forgetting me. Its like after so many years, I didn't mean anything to you. Yet I have cried all my tears and have no more tears left for you. Maybe when God made me, he only gave me so much tears to cry for you and I have filled the quota.. :D

I am unsure of the path ahead but I see that its wet and filled with potholes. Hmm... I wonder who will take my hand and lead me across such difficult road? Perhaps I do not get a hand.... but a good friend gave me an umbrella yesterday. Maybe it could help me navigate ahead beyond the rocky road and just push me on till I reach that beautiful world out there.

Why have I been so emotional this morning? I slept a bare 4 hrs. Voices filled my head, alot of said but none was heard. Everyone of them drowned everyone else's voice. I can only say I have myself to depend on now.

Time to clean that hall fan now... :D

Friday, January 16, 2009

Moving on too fast again...

Moving too close too fast again...

Must step back now...

Mind says no... heart says yes...

HOW???

Monday, January 12, 2009

I am so proud of...

- Moving out on my own!!!
- Fly and tour Egypt on my own
- Saw the Pyramids
- Travel with all Ang Mohs
- Travel to Laos with Yinle
- Rode a motorbike in Laos with Yinle and...
- Crash the bike!!!
- Drank "Lao Lao" and still sober :D
- Sing quite well :D
- Hold my liquor quite well....

I wish I can add more to the list!

我们在开始的地方, 结束了一切。

四年前,我们到了Millenium Walk 的Paulener, 开始了。
我们是那麽的年轻,那麽的单纯,那麽的开心。
一起谈的都是自己的梦想,一直传来的都是我俩的笑声
似乎一切都不重要。
生活就是简单。

四年后,我们也到回一样的地方,结束了。
现在的我们,
忘了当初我们在一起的快乐
忘了当初我们的笑声
忘了当初我们谈过的梦想
我本以为你和我一样放不下, 原来只有我放不下,眼泪不听话, 一直就往脸颊流下。

感谢你的出现,
感谢你做的一切
感谢你让我长大
感谢你让我独立
过了今天我会自己走下去
过了今天我就会学习忘掉你

Sunday, January 11, 2009

<<你没想像中那么爱我>>

你小心翼翼
牵我手其实是担忧
藏不住我自尊也投降
活在她之下 我 好傻

你字字句句说
你不爱她那又是什么
让你害怕我疑惑但是原谅
因为你留下 我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

谁说我不在意空等候
原来 你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

Friday, January 09, 2009

Aunt Shuyi highlighted the other day that I owe "Steven" in my past life. Oh ya... cos of the 4 companies I worked for since I left school. 3 of my immediate bosses are Steven... 2 of whom are Steven Tan.. Geez what are the chance...

Anyway, I had dinner with Steven (HSR Boss) today and he was sharing his background etc with me. Got to know him a little better. Ah... I hope this time I meet a right boss *beaming with delight*. I also shared some of my crazy history with him and he seemed to be in shock. Ok thats not what I am getting to. After dinner on the way back, I was replaying the conversation with him. In fact I was so disturb that I had to be thinking about it through my evening jog.

It was only then I realise why...

I HAVEN GONE FOR ANY WACKY HOLIDAYS IN 2008!!!

Gosh and the damn year was gone. I wasted 365 days or was it 366 days... nvm... but luckily, when Yingle got home she showed me this crazy website...

Thus... I am going to do ferrata at Kota Kinabalu :D SO EXCITING!!!

My plan for the year, which I think I have lived quite well till now...

- Shock myself with my real estate earning
- climb Kota Kinabalu
- Run a 21km marathon

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

If you want to run fast, you have to travel light. Always remember "To be mean, you have to be lean & nimble." So start trimming.

Saw this comment left on a colleague's facebook and realised...

Yap... rubbish was dumped in 2008. Why do I wanna go back to the chute to hunt for that bag of STINK?

Let me live my life for myself.

Friday, January 02, 2009

I am excited about 2009! Amazing plans I have...

With a new home... a new name...

Everything is great! :D

Friday, January 30, 2009

400!!!

Its my 400 entry!!! Finally we are there... PHEW!

Slowly and steadily...

This morning, I went back to office for "Heng Gang" only to realised that there is no "Heng Gang" at HSR. When I was in ERA, it was so fun, there was lots of colleagues, we had yusheng and there was lion dance. It felt abit quiet today, in fact too quiet... I missed the rowdy times last year... I miss....

Things haven been that smooth for me last year... Hopefully things are looking up. There are so much internal struggle for me. The last month, I felt like I was just pushing through with living ... where I am just breathing and the other part of my body took over to stay alive. I wish life was much simpler like the time when I was a kid.

When he passed the comment over coffee that he is focusing on a very important part of his life, and his work as well, I became frightened. I feel like he is another Mathew. Another heart I might break. I cant breathe properly now, in the past, while I was the one asking for commitment, this time, someone else wants my commitment. I feel like waking up, packing my bag and leaving home to some place where no one is around and I can clear my thoughts. Tomorrow will be a good day :D

I am afraid of alot of things... how can I move on from here? I guess... like what I told Yinle...

"In the midst of pursuing my dreams, I lost my courage."

Its time to find the courage back... God, can you return the courage that I lost along the way.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

When I tried to use my laptop charger today, I realised its not working. Hmm... when I looked closer... Its damaged!! by LUCKY!!! So angry lor...now I can only use my 7 inch laptop to surf net I dont even feel like coming online anymore.

I had the most amazing talk with him yesterday. Is that what you call soulmate? Seems too scary as we simply soak ourselves in such deep conversation, oblivious to everything else around us. I am afraid of getting hurt but I simply cant stop myself falling so deeply into everything thats happening. Hmm... lets take a step backwards again before I get hurt again. We seem to want to give everything we have but at the same time, we are just holding back for some reason which I dont know what.... Is the relationship doomed from the start? Have I not learn my lesson in love? So many questions unanswered....

Ger... time to put on that mask again... :D

Monday, January 26, 2009

恭喜發財!萬事如意!


Okok... My hair is messy... but from the bottom of Lucky and my heart! Have a great 牛年 ahead! :D

I WANNA SLEEP!!!

I need to sleep! But there are so many distractions around...

Must be the fengshui of our place again... always get unwanted attention...

For 1 full week, I can barely count the number of hours I rested... ARGH! Now I am cranky and blaming... though I am also responsible for what happened.

I WANNA SLEEP!!!

Sunday, January 25, 2009

What I feel like saying is...

What I feel like saying is...
I have a thousand words that I want to tell you. Yet at this point, none of them appear.

The sms you sent, shook my world. I cannot see the road ahead since its dimmed with obstacles... Yet now I know, the light is stronger as I walk. I was so afraid of being hurt again and I hesitated about giving my heart away.

I do not know why I deserve someone like you. You seemed too good to be true. All I know now, is that I want to hold your hand and walk our journey together. Someday, I hope soon, I will be able to give you much more much more...

Thanks Baby...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

How do I walk on now...

The past 2 weeks just flow pass my eyes. Everything happened so quickly. There is no time to sit and reconsider one's emotion and decision. Now I am simply pushing on to live my life.

Feeling upset that you seem to have moved on forgetting me. Its like after so many years, I didn't mean anything to you. Yet I have cried all my tears and have no more tears left for you. Maybe when God made me, he only gave me so much tears to cry for you and I have filled the quota.. :D

I am unsure of the path ahead but I see that its wet and filled with potholes. Hmm... I wonder who will take my hand and lead me across such difficult road? Perhaps I do not get a hand.... but a good friend gave me an umbrella yesterday. Maybe it could help me navigate ahead beyond the rocky road and just push me on till I reach that beautiful world out there.

Why have I been so emotional this morning? I slept a bare 4 hrs. Voices filled my head, alot of said but none was heard. Everyone of them drowned everyone else's voice. I can only say I have myself to depend on now.

Time to clean that hall fan now... :D

Friday, January 16, 2009

Moving on too fast again...

Moving too close too fast again...

Must step back now...

Mind says no... heart says yes...

HOW???

Monday, January 12, 2009

I am so proud of...

- Moving out on my own!!!
- Fly and tour Egypt on my own
- Saw the Pyramids
- Travel with all Ang Mohs
- Travel to Laos with Yinle
- Rode a motorbike in Laos with Yinle and...
- Crash the bike!!!
- Drank "Lao Lao" and still sober :D
- Sing quite well :D
- Hold my liquor quite well....

I wish I can add more to the list!

我们在开始的地方, 结束了一切。

四年前,我们到了Millenium Walk 的Paulener, 开始了。
我们是那麽的年轻,那麽的单纯,那麽的开心。
一起谈的都是自己的梦想,一直传来的都是我俩的笑声
似乎一切都不重要。
生活就是简单。

四年后,我们也到回一样的地方,结束了。
现在的我们,
忘了当初我们在一起的快乐
忘了当初我们的笑声
忘了当初我们谈过的梦想
我本以为你和我一样放不下, 原来只有我放不下,眼泪不听话, 一直就往脸颊流下。

感谢你的出现,
感谢你做的一切
感谢你让我长大
感谢你让我独立
过了今天我会自己走下去
过了今天我就会学习忘掉你

Sunday, January 11, 2009

<<你没想像中那么爱我>>

你小心翼翼
牵我手其实是担忧
藏不住我自尊也投降
活在她之下 我 好傻

你字字句句说
你不爱她那又是什么
让你害怕我疑惑但是原谅
因为你留下 我 好傻

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不懂该拿什么安慰我的难受
你的存在 让我更寂寞

你寸步不离 像天使的她
挥霍我的爱 从不放心上
我有一丝无奈 也有一些明白
该 放开

不是我不说就不在意空等候
原来 你没想像中那么爱我
我不能再从你的怀抱感觉到什么
不爱我别再说 假装爱那是撒盐在伤口

谁说我不在意空等候
原来 你从来都没深刻爱我
我才懂不是我不心痛
其实是心没了感受

Friday, January 09, 2009

Aunt Shuyi highlighted the other day that I owe "Steven" in my past life. Oh ya... cos of the 4 companies I worked for since I left school. 3 of my immediate bosses are Steven... 2 of whom are Steven Tan.. Geez what are the chance...

Anyway, I had dinner with Steven (HSR Boss) today and he was sharing his background etc with me. Got to know him a little better. Ah... I hope this time I meet a right boss *beaming with delight*. I also shared some of my crazy history with him and he seemed to be in shock. Ok thats not what I am getting to. After dinner on the way back, I was replaying the conversation with him. In fact I was so disturb that I had to be thinking about it through my evening jog.

It was only then I realise why...

I HAVEN GONE FOR ANY WACKY HOLIDAYS IN 2008!!!

Gosh and the damn year was gone. I wasted 365 days or was it 366 days... nvm... but luckily, when Yingle got home she showed me this crazy website...

Thus... I am going to do ferrata at Kota Kinabalu :D SO EXCITING!!!

My plan for the year, which I think I have lived quite well till now...

- Shock myself with my real estate earning
- climb Kota Kinabalu
- Run a 21km marathon

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

If you want to run fast, you have to travel light. Always remember "To be mean, you have to be lean & nimble." So start trimming.

Saw this comment left on a colleague's facebook and realised...

Yap... rubbish was dumped in 2008. Why do I wanna go back to the chute to hunt for that bag of STINK?

Let me live my life for myself.

Friday, January 02, 2009

I am excited about 2009! Amazing plans I have...

With a new home... a new name...

Everything is great! :D